I Thought I Was Strong

As the words fell out of my friend’s mouth, my heart sank. She sat with some of her closest friends, people who know and love her so well, and a tear fell down her face. After struggling with depression and anxiety silently for over ten years, she opened up to us about the counseling program she was about to start and the strong possibility of medicine in her future. 

She is my strong, loving, kind, joy filled, adventure-loving friend. But she sat there and quietly said “I am weak.” 

Weak? Sweet friend, that is a lie.
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I have no idea what I'm doing: Part 2

I tried too hard to find a way to start this blog without being over the top cheesy. Here are some of my legitimate attempts.

Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of a crowd...

Have you ever gotten to a fork in the road and...

People like to tell us that having no plan is "a great place to be because it leaves so much room to grow."

I have no idea what I'm doing: Part 2. 

I just made my way back to Indianapolis after spending a semester at the Contemporary Music Center in Nashville, TN. It was awesome. It was difficult. I'd say I loved every minute, but I promised myself not to lie to you. Although I didn't always love it, I needed it. 

Now I'm sitting in my father's office with no summer plans. 

People keep asking me what I'm doing and I tell them that I'm "still working on the details"...aka...I don't have the energy to explain that I have no plan. I feel like I'm juggling chainsaws. I've got a chainsaw for if I get the internship I really want in Nashville, a chainsaw for working in my hometown, and a chainsaw for a plan I haven't even begun to think up yet. I've thrown all of them up into the air and I'm waiting to catch whatever comes back down. I have metaphorical chainsaws swinging above my head and gravity will bring them down. The cool thing is that I'm not worried. I know that when one falls (because eventually it will) I will catch it and keep rolling. I will be ok. 

That's my favorite thing about life; growth and change. There's something about looking back on the horrible seasons and situations and realizing that there was something good that came out of it. As cheesy as the whole "leaving room to grow" line is, I've said it and I believe it. Something is coming in this next season of my life. It will be good, whether easy or hard, and I will be better because of it. 

So here's to being comfortable with no plan. Here's to not worrying when you could be. Here's to a second blog post, to a smallest space of stability. Here's to having no plan and leaving room to grow. 

Testing. Is This Thing On?

I have no idea what I'm doing; not a clue. I've never blogged...I've never kept a consistent journal...even my songs are written in all different places. But there is a first for everything!

As I wrap up my semester in Nashville, I realized I learned in the most random way. The classes we have are great. I learned about culture and how my faith looks in it. What to believe from the media and what not to believe. I learned how turn decent songs to good, or even great songs. I also learned from hands on work. I learned how to write songs in a different way by working with other artists. I learned how to work under pressure better. I learned how to listen for a full band instead of just for an acoustic and voice. I learned how to live on my own in a bigger city. I learned more about who I am. I learned which coffee shops have the best Chai Latte (Starbucks: not my favorite. Nevertheless, iced with half the sugar pumps will do the job. Frothy Monkey: best. cold or hot. Add espresso if you need caffeine.) I made new friends and learned from and about them.

I learned so much that learned doesn't even sound or look like a real word anymore. 

What I'm getting at is that no matter how difficult it was at points and how exhausted I am as I write this on my phone at 12:47 am, it was what I needed towards a successful career. I'm a better, more mature, well rounded person because of it. Sometimes, even if things aren't fun 100% of the time, they are what we look back on as a turning point in our lives. I am thankful.